Trying again… post lost in space

I wrote a post earlier.  I hit publish.  It is no where to be found…

I was able to change my algebra from the professor that does not know how to teach to a class with a wonderful professor who truly loves what she does and is an AWESOME teacher!  By the time I got out of class I GOT IT!  I understood the stuff that the other professor had went over last week but had not explained.

I am going to the learning resource center (aka the library) tomorrow.  They have a writing center where you can get help on papers.  I think once I get through the first one and see what is expected and live through it the rest will be a cake walk.

I am waiting, impatiently, (at least I’m honest) for my financial aid refund to post so I can get some software I need for a couple of my classes.  I can not afford it with out the financial aid and the stupid bookstore isn’t carrying it this year.

Keeping an eye on the tropics.  The spots to watch.  First and foremost, Gustov.   Hopefully he falls apart and isn’t as strong as expected and leaves New Orleans alone.  I’m not sure that place to handle another storm like Katrina.  I don’t think anyone really can handle it but they still aren’t recovered fully from Katrina.

My son is being sent to a “staging” area in Alabama.  Like his father he is a line clearance tree trimmer.  Generally they are there right after a storm hits, or if it is here in Florida, during the storm.  Cutting, sawing and getting the mess out of the way so the lines can be put back up and people can get through the streets.

Here is a pic of hubby at work.

Well, my son needs the laptop for some school work.  I’m headed to find some z’s or as hubby says to check the back of my eyelids for cracks.

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Forced Writing…

I love to write.  I hate to write. 

Yup, that’s it in a nutshell.

I love to write.  I love to blog, I love to write about my day, my family, my life.  I love to work on my novel when I am not stuck.

However, these college papers I am having to write.  Hate them.  I don’t think it would be so bad if the professor would assign a topic.  I am good at research.  I enjoy it.  To me it’s like a game searching for the best information to use.  The one book or article that will cinch it all together.

We have six essays to do.  It is a social science class.  It covers a broad, VERY broad subject area.  We can right about ANYTHING in that subject area. 

Ideas anyone?

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Writing, Freeing Myself

I would love to set down and just let myself write.  Whatever I wanted to write.  Just let it flow.  Creative writing teachers say this is a great way to tap into ideas.  To find your inner self.  I am sort of doing this now.  Only I am not being “free” with myself.  I have limits.  Things that I just can’t, for whatever idiotic reason, put out there.

There are people in this world who do not have a problem writing about anything at all.  Their lives are open books.  Mine, especially the inner parts, looks more like a document recently released by the goverenment. Firm, thick, black lines covering the text that is there so others can not see.

There are so many things I want to talk to someone about.  I never do.  Maybe I should hire a therapist, after all you pay them to listen to your inner most thoughts.  Maybe I would feel ok about it then, after all I would feel guilty for not sharing with them since after all, it’s costing me money.

Yes, I have a husband.  Yes we have a good relationship but we never “talk”.

Hi honey how was your day?

Great and yours?

Wonderful.  What would you like for dinner?

Doesn’t matter.

Click, on goes the TV, another big buck about to loose his life all for the enjoyment of the redneck hunter.

Sometimes we breech into current events:

Did you see the flippin price of gas today?

Sure did what to hell is up with this world?

…..click click… Dog’s on…it’s new wanna watch it with  me?

So, the picture is becoming clear.  Television is my husbands addiction.  I’d like to carry on a great conversation.  I’d like him to share my love of reading, of books, of anything outside of television.  It’s not going to happen.  Most days I repeat myself, several times over again, just to finish a short conversation.  Even then I do not feel like he has listened to me.  He hasn’t “heard” me.

We have been together eight years.  We have been married seven.  We have raised some great kids.  The youngest is 16 and will be leaving home in the next couple years.  Deep down this scares me.  It scares me on the mom level because my “baby” will be gone.  The house will be quiet, except for, of course, the televison.  It scares me on a personal level because what will happen to my marriage?

Will my husband suddenly decide after the kids are gone that it’s ok to talk with his wife.  To share things.  To share feelings on life, thoughts, concerns?  Or will we just be two people.  Living in a house together.  Growing old.  Eating dinner.  Watching the late news and waiting for the kids to call.  Can I be satisfied with this?  This thought terrifies me.  I love my husband.  He has some of the most wonderful traits.  He is loving and kinds.  He supports me in everything I want to do.  He is a great provider.  He is a man’s man.  He is a wonderful father to our kids.  A great grandfather to our grandkids.  He is honest.

Do I know where I stand with him?  Maybe.  I’ll ask him what he is thinking… “nothing” is his reply.  No matter what.  That is the answer.
“nothing”.  He could be setting there looking so deep in thought a person has the urge to toss him a life saver and still, he would be thinking “nothing”

At what point do you get comfortable enough with your husband/wife to share EVERYTHING.  Every little thought, every fantasy, every feeling you have?  Is it wrong to be married to someone you feel you can’t share with?

I’ll ponder these another day.

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On Writing

  1. Do you write fiction or non-fiction?  Or both?  Both, fiction mostly but college requires non fiction
  2. Do you keep a journal or a writing notebook? A journal
  3. If you write fiction, do you know your characters’ goals, motivations, and conflicts before you start writing or is that something else you discover only after you start writing? Do you find books on plotting useful or harmful?  I know the basics but they tend to take over and change things.
  4. Are you a procrastinator or does the itch to write keep at you until you sit down and work?I procrastinate at everything.  But once I start it’s hard to stop.
  5. Do you write in short bursts of creative energy, or can you sit down and write for hours at a time?Usually only a couple hours.
  6. Are you a morning or afternoon writer?Afternoon.
  7. Do you write with music/the noise of children/in a cafe or other public setting, or do you need complete silence to concentrate?I like quiet.  But I have gotten good over the years at blocking things out. *especially hubby.
  8. Computer or longhand? (or typewriter?)puter
  9. Do you know the ending before you type Chapter One?  Or do you let the story evolve as you write? the story evolves…
  10. Does what’s selling in the market influence how and what you write? nope, I write what i like
  11. Editing/Revision – love it or hate it?  hate

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Survived Week One of College… although with some challenges

I did it.  I started college.  About time since I am 39 years young.  My first college class ever was Principles of Management.  My Professor insists on being called Dave as other titles make him feel old.  So, Dave starts out the class… he takes attendence.  I was fifteen minutes early arriving as were others.  Then there were those that came in late.  One girl… a half an hour late.  This amazed me.  You are paying for your education.  Appreciate it. Don’t miss a minute of it.  Then Dave talked of attendance.  Sure, you can not show up.  It will reflect in your grade.

This whole situation amazed me.  Sure, I have financial aid.   It’s not “my” money so to speak but still it is a blessing to have this opportunity to learn.  I am embracing that opportunity.  Maybe that is because I am “non-traditional”.  I have waited a number of years for my education.  I have seen what little the world has to offer and the fact that what it does offer often brings nothing but stress and worry.

My second class, late that afternoon, Algebra Prep.  A class for those of us who have math issues.  This is where I met my first ‘bad’ professor.  He does NOT teach.  He fits his name.  His first name: Dudley.  His appearance:  A rather tall black man, coke bottle glasses (he has a habit of pushing them up on his nose even though they haven’t slipped anywhere), he mumbles and stutters.  He is very difficult to understand.  His idea of teaching algebra is to put a problem on the board then to do it while he says each thing out loud.  He does not explain anything.  Just does it.  If you ask a question…he looks at you as though you have suddlenly sprouted another head.

On Tuesday I had my next two classes, I am taking four total.  Intro to Social Sciences and Microcomputer Applications.  Social Science only worries me due to the essays but since I love to write (hence my blogs) I’ll figure those out.  My social science professor (official title “international political economist”) looks like a grown up version of my 10 year old nephew.  Only he acts too nerdy to be him.  I guess you would have to be a severe nerd to earn his job title.

My first week in college was spent fighting the rain and winds of Tropical storm Fay.  She ruined my umbrella.  I also learned I did have to find a wheeled bag of some sort due to a past shoulder injury.

I officially changed my major to Office Administration/Management.  Who knows, that may change again.

Well, I shall log off here.  We are getting yet another band from the storm even though it passed us yesterday.  Thunder and rain and lightening galore.

Going to try and finish dinner cooking before the power fails.  It has flashed off and on once already.

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BudgetTracker, Inc. A free online budgeting and money mangement service.

BudgetTracker, Inc. A free online budgeting and money mangement service..

This looks like something that will help while I am in college. There is a free version or a version that is 24.95/yr with more features.

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Hospitals, Healthcare (warning Vent ahead)

Haven’t been around since I went with my daughter BACK to the ER on Tuesday night. My one year old grandson was taken to his pediatrician Monday. She said he had pneumonia and sent him to the ER. 14 hours later they sent him home saying she was wrong and he had an ear infection. Tues. a.m. she took him BACK to the pediatrician and told her what had happened the night before including the fact that they NEVER once listened to his lungs!!!! They would ask her a question and as she was trying to answer cut her off!

The pediatrician went ahead an took xrays and showed my daughter the pneumonia. She said he was dehydrated and needed back to the hospital for iv fluids. She called ahead. She gave us the name of a doctor she talked to. She gave very detailed written info about what he had and he needed fluid. I drove the hour and went with them. I decided that I might be a bit more vocal than she is.

It took me getting very vocal. We arrived at 5pm. Told them he needs fluids. ONE HOUR later they triaged him! 101 temp so they gave him tylonal. Three hours later we could feel he was getting hotter. We asked that they take him temp. They told us we had to wait for 15 minutes until they could do that.

My son in law had went back several time to complain. The last time they got rude with him and said “if your doctor called ahead you wouldn’t be waiting here.” We then showed them the paperwork AGAIN that showed what she needed done and the name of the doctor she talked to…. they said “oh well, you’ll still have to wait!”

This made me rather mad. I pulled out my laptop and tried to find info on their website of chief of staff or administrator. When they didn’t have it listen (i am loudly telling daughter what I am doing). I said “I’m going to write a letter to the gainesville sun” So, I went to their forums and wrote a scathing review of the hospital ER which included “next time I will tell my daughter to take him to the vet as dogs get treated better than the people do here” There were people near by and they wanted to hear so I was reading it again while my daughter was on the phone to her aunt (a nurse) to find out how in the heck we get attention… how do we find out the head administrator etc . They called us back. Shannon headed to the peds room they had here in the night before.. they stopped us and said “we have a special room for you, the family room” We were being “punished” so to speak.

They came in and said he was fine. I argued with them. They sent the attending doc in an hour later. I said “his doctor says he has pneumonia, she showed us the xrays” he says “is she a radiologist?” (the resident said that they way the xrays were cloudy was normal for babies”) I replied “no she is a pediatrician, I would think she would know what NORMAL xrays for a baby would look like.” He said he has NO signs of infection. I then said well last night one of your physicians said he had an ear infection. He said “well, you could have 10 doctors diagnose one person and get 10 different answers.” To which I replied “how VERY reassuring.” He said I’ll be back in a sec and grabbed the xrays and left. AN HOUR later the resident returns. He said we took these xrays to the radiologist (the ones the pediatrician took — to this point they had been looking themselves and THEY are not radiologists!) “and the radiologist says there is pneumonia”

IMAGINE THAT!!! We then asked again that they PLease take his temp since it had been three hours since we asked. It was now 102. They did NOT start and IV. They got him to drink 2 ounces of pedialite and sent us home!!!!!!

I could not believe this. They did NOTHING. We didn’t even need to go there as he already had the antibiotic. The doc had sent him to be hydrated and they sent us home!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH. Ok, got that off my chest!

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